Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Snake Charmers like "Sweet Jane"

I've had the most unusual thing happen to me since June..I've learned that one of my best friend's of my whole life...since age 18 and I am 57...has used me betrayed me basically all my life.  She is the God Mother to my oldest child, the one I confided in more than even my sister, and the one that I thought loved me unconditionally.  The fact is, she was not my true friend at all.  Rather, I was someone she used to achieve her means.  Her nickname with the college sorority girl YaYa's, which is actually a "click", is "Sweet Jane".

I think she got that name partially from her very persuasive act of kindness to others, and partially from her being "so sweet to me".  She was "so sweet to me" because she told all the other girls in the large group of friends my deepest, darkest secrets...I think now, to make her own self look good.  "Oh you are so sweet, put up with her s..t".  Meanwhile, I don't even want to say the deepest, darkest secrets that I know about her.  And I won't.  Because that was the deal..the pledge of love and loyalty that I took with her a long time ago.  The only thing is, I'm now 57 and I didn't know all this time the she was on the same page.  She just POSTED my issues to the group like someone posts a status on Facebook.  She also borrowed money from me in 2001, which she never had any intention of paying back.  I was fairly wealthy then, but that has changed.  She doesn't feel it necessary to pay me back.  That's part of her user deal with people.  I'm not the only one that she has borrowed from.  I have no idea if I am the largest personal debtor, but I'll bet I am.  It's not a small amount.

She's a flight attendant for a major US airline.  I noticed that she went to the Olympics.  "How Nice!"  Right now, I struggle with a whole lot of things, finances being one of them.  For me to see her "smiling and talking about her wonderful Olympics experience"  while I wonder how I can pay my family medical bills makes me sick to my stomach.  I may have financial cash flow issues right now which makes me crazy to see her spend money which is basically mine, but that is not really the issue.

The issue is that Jane USED me for most of my life.  I thought she was a real person.  She is not.  Though I blame myself for not realizing that sooner.  I could have avoided this pain by knowing who and who was not my true friend a long time ago.

Manipulation is like a snake charmer.  It's seductive and makes a deadly creature seem gentle.  Take away the snake charmer, and the result can be deadly.  My mind was a snake charmer for over 40 years.  And it was so detrimental for me with my other friends.  The things she said about me to my friends....things that you might want to say yourself but never have it positioned so that "Sweet Jane" get the glory for being a friend to someone like me.  I'm not talking about really bad things, like doing something  illegal or really bad things, just things in life that we all regret. and we certainly don't want exaggerated.

Today I reflect a lot about my loss of a friend.  A friend that didn't actually exist.  I was a friend and a sister to someone else, not "Sweet Jane".

But I must tell you, I do have real friends that I never lost in the process and who I am very connected with now.   Some of them, too, were victims of "Sweet Jane" and her cohorts.  And I love them and I am blessed to have them as my friends.

Just a rambling personal post tonight.  Something I have never done on this blog, but something I plan to do more in the future.

I am...the Chief Spa Gypsy